Tuesday, February 25, 2014

ABC News: Karzai Warns NATO: Afghan Life Not Cheap

You poor, deluded man. Afghan life is not cheap; it's absolutely worthless from an American perspective. Do you really believe that the AvAm (short for Average American, a phrase coined by Mickey Z) cares for an instant about Afghani lives? The AvAm is terrified and repulsed by your very existence. You worship "false gods." You live in some twilight zone between the 9th and 14th
centuries. And you completely eschew Western Culture and Values. Prior to 9/11 very few Americans could point to a map and say, "Aw shucks, that's Afghanistan!" Perhaps a few remembered Afghanistan from the Clinton era when he launched some cruise missiles in an effort to nail Osama bin-Laden, but we all know it was a clever ploy to distract everyone from The Great Presidential DNA Horrific Crisis that nearly crippled this great land. There are even a few scholarly types, generally to be found on the coastal regions of this nation, who will remember Afghanistan as a very useful tool for entrapping the Evil Empire that once was the Soviet Union. But with the Soviet Union split into its component parts, you ceased to be useful and therefore of much interest to us.

Corporate America couldn't give a damn about Afghanistan. For starters, you have no money. And you have no natural resources for us to exploit at your expense. No oil. No bananas. No diamonds. We like all three of those things and you don't have any of them, so you're kinda screwed in the globalization scheme of things. And you steadfastly refuse to embrace Western Values and all the neat Consumer Culture that comes with it. How can we possible give you one degree of respect if you don't have at least one McDonald's, a PizzaHut or a Taco Bell. Blockbuster won't even cast a glance your way as you barely generate enough electricity annually to keep Ukiah, California lit up for a week. And you have no money.

In case you haven't noticed there is only one segment of America paying any attention to Afghanistan: the current administration. Now, this may come as a surprise and I hope it's not too much of a shock, but they don't love you. They don't respect you. They don't even really like you. It might be helpful for Afghanistan to consult a map (if the Taliban didn't destroy them all...otherwise request a subscription to "National Geographic" in your next aid package-they have really keen maps). Look who borders you to the west...yep, Iran. All this time we've been pretending to like you and insisting we are there to help, but the truth be known, you are nothing more than a hellish landing strip and assembly point for our next adventure in empire.
So Mr. Karzai, life is not cheap in Afghanistan (though I seem to recall stories from the invasion days when the CIA paramilitary types were running around with satchels of $100 bills paying off families every time we created some "collateral damage"....) it's worthless.